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“Needful Things”; Apple Cup Victory is Number One… This is Officer Lee Groinman; That’s Right, Washington’s Most At Ease Cop…
But for the most part, a sense of well-being has settled down upon the Husky faithful, and only two weeks removed from the stench of that OSU rodent, that flat-tailed basturd… A non-eventful, but victorious Apple Cup will do that for ya’. That, and to win that game in such a setting on such a perfect November night. Well there was that one jack-ass two rows in front of me, then that group of hyena’s down to the right, and the constant ins and outs of everybody in my row to the concession stand and back. Torture, nightmare type stuff… A needful thing would be a section where fans who actually care about the game can actually watch it. This year’s Apple Cup was kinda’ like watchin’ a game at ‘Chuckie Cheese’s’. It’s always something… Somebody on the message boards was complaining about all the empty seats… He must have been at a Cal or Stanford game. Or thought he was on the coug board…
So I take some heat for my comments in last week’s article about this UW team; “This team is not blockin’ any punts for touchdowns’. Come on, that was just my swipe at Coach Baird and my way to motivate the team. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Besides, I got the Kasen Williams ‘high-jumping clinic’ right. So give it up Dawg fans… Did ya’ see that photo? High jump, hurdle, no matter, Williams could triple jump over Nolan Washington for all I care… Now we’ve got the firing of ASU coach Dennis Erickson, he’s been a burr in our saddle ever since his wazzu days, we’ve then got the firing of Rick Neuheisel, ex UW coach who raked us over the coals for a cool mil before going down to his promised land, the Ucla Bruins. I think this is the first time I’ve spelled his name right without lookin’ it up, now he’s gone. Funny how life works out that way… Well he’ll be gone after the first inaugural Pac 12 Championship game… The first annual Pac 12 Championship game? Why the entire Pac 12 South Division should be sanctioned a few scholies for throwin’ up such a turkey. Thanksgiving was last week. I suppose this would qualify as ‘left-over’ week. They should at least drop and give us twenty… Holy crapes, I just don’t think I can muster up enough stew to watch this stinker of a ‘championship’ game. That damned Oregon fog-horn, or whatever it is and the Neuheisel powder blue sweater vest. Fog-horns and sweater vests just don’t get along.. Somethin’ very wrong there, distasteful and disgustin’. Like chocolate syrup and lutefisk.. But how I do digress… Yeah, that general state of well-being, could be a turkey over-dose, or maybe just too much dang pumpkin pie. But I’m feelin’ alright. Or so it seems… But hey, today I made that ticket deposit for next year’s season tickets, made me feel alright…needed if you will. But who needs who? ‘Needful Things?’ And we’ve got Paul Wullf over there in the land of Pullman, fired this week too. The cougs in a coaching search; always great entertainment. The best of the Keystone Cops… Sorry for my ol’ buddy
Mike Levenseller over there, the WSU receiver’s coach. But hey, that boy
has got more lives than an alley cat. Think he’s been in Pullman since
he played for Jim Sweeney. He must have pictures, that’s all I can think
of… “Say ‘Go Cougs!” Before he pours you a draft… “To Hell.” After the pour is complete… Mike Levenseller, and yours truly, back in the day, spent an entire summer working on this very routine…Got pretty good at it too… I see where Mike Leach, another alley cat, has given a verbal for the wazzu job. I can’t see Mike Leach bringin’ in too many of his assistant coaches into Pullmania with him, after being out of the game for over two years. So ol’ Mike Levenseller, he just might have one more life. I’d keep those photos handy, very close at hand there Mike…just a thought… DO YOU HEAR ME! Mike Leach, the best the coug’s could do? As Auburndawg said, Leach is the perfect fit for WSU. He applied earlier, and was already rejected by the UW… Familiar story, cougs can relate. A perfect fit. There can be no doubt… And we must not forget that we’ve got the ‘Hounds of Probation’ snappin’ at the heels of the Oregon Ducks, Do ducks have heels? We know they have wheels capable of 118 mph. I think nobody can remember exactly who got the car and how, because they ‘smoked it all.’ Makes perfect sense, and I think Oregon invented circular logic… I remember clearly how so many of the ‘experts’ on the message boards were predictin’ how SC was gonna skate on their NCAA investigation, because mainly it was SC, and the NCAA was all about the money, made no sense at all to me, circular logic, whatever… Now SC is about to begin the scholarship reduction rounds of their sanctions…the fun part. I don’t know about you, but I’d just as soon give SC a flyer on this year’s Bowl ban and let them represent the South in this here “Pac 12 Default-Championship Game”. I can see Larry Scott now… “On account of you boys beating up Rick Neuheisel’s Ucla Bruins by the ever-so-popular TV rating score of 50-0, I hereby pardon this here one year Bowl ban, and declare you boys the champs of the Southern Division! Bowl Bans can commence when Brent Musburger says so…” Hey now! I just might watch that there championship game! And hey, the White House just pardoned not one, but two turkeys! Nope, I just can’t garner up enough steam to watch this donkey of a game. Usually, in situations like this, I pull for the team that I hate the least. That would, in all likelihood be the Bruins, but with Neuheisel, and that sweater vest, plus the obligatory asterisk, then the nauseating fog-horn… Nega, nada, nil, ain’t happening at my house. Not to mention the host, Autzen Stadium… I had a dream last night where I’d died and went to Hell. Saint Peter, he’s no duck fan. I end up where? The concession stand at Autzen Stadium, with no change in the till…but with plenty of fog-horns… An eternity spent workin’ at an Autzen Stadium concession stand? Think I’d rather die first… Lord have mercy…I nearly wet the house… Bob Condotta of the Times put out his annual coach’s seniority list in the now Pac 12. Bob lists coach Sark at being tied at number four, not bad for only being on the job for three years. Good ol’ Bob also has Sark just behind Utah’s Kyle Whittingham. That’s even more impressive for Whittingham, considering Utah’s only been in the league for three months, defaults and all… But at last, we have some tough decisions that lie ahead for the UW. Mainly which Bowl do we get? We’ll know soon enough. Now my Bookie from Reno, Mr. Timmy had traveled up to the Apple Cup last week. He dropped on me a big wad of cash from my yearly bet winnings on the Dawgs. Yup, I cashed ‘em out. Even with this new wad of wealth, I don’t think I could do the Alamo Bowl. Would love to, being I’ve never been to San Antonio. Ya’ know, I think it would be darn near worth it just to see ol’ Stevie Ray Vaughn’s old haunts… On second thought, you only live once…this could be good, we may never be here again… And Autzen Stadium’s concession stand could be closer than you think…hmmm. Sounds like a Stephen King novel. I remember his novel “Needful Things”. How about things nobody needs…like an eternity in Autzen? Alamo Bowl? I’d still prefer the Holiday Bowl… just for the benefits of the recruiting efforts of this fourth rated tenured Pac 12 staff… Yup, all is good. Now if we could just land a few more recruits, you know who and what I’m talkin’ about. Needful Things… GO DAWGS!
The Featured Dawgs of
the Week! A TRIPLE HEADER! Part two! Gotta go with BELLA,
I’m kinda’ partial to the name. BELLA is a babe, she got the best of
some chickens one dark and lonely night, but what’s a mal to do? She’ll
keep the chickens and those pesky ducks out of the yard. BUCKO,
blue-eyed BUCKO. He should go home with you just for that name alone,
BUCKO, a stand- up comic with energy to spare, comes complete with the
clown face, no charge. Never a dull moment with BUCKO, unless its nap
time, looks like he just did ‘Bumbershoot’. Then we’ve got THOR. THOR is
a sad case, but it happens, his human recently passed on and THOR was
left alone, awesome dawg. These fine dawgs would be forever thankful to
share your digs, and any left-over turkey or pie. No table-top or
counter-top cruisers, well maybe just once in a while.
Bella, Bucko, and Thor, as well as their pals can be seen at www.wamal.com Ready for adoption, or a foster home now! Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com |
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