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June beware, summer's in the air This is Officer Lee Groinman, that’s right, Washington’s Most Sickened Cop…
It was the month of June, the first week in fact. Things were gonna explode in Huskyville. Two huge football commits were ready to announce. Sark had his twitter account paid in full. The lady Diamond Dawgs were off to the World Series to repeat, this after Danielle Lawrie threw back to back shut outs over Oklahoma to seal the deal, earning National MVP along the way. The Men’s Crew team had hardly been pushed all season, undefeated. They had beaten Cal at the Pac 10 championships by 5 full seconds. Five full seconds equals one big can of whoop ass, the 40 ouncer… Then you have the USC situation. I hear the ncaa will have an announcement……… Ahh, the first week of June. Summer’s in the air. As luck would have it, I now have Thursdays off. I actually will get to watch the lady Dawgs play in their opener against Georgia. The wife Gloria decides to watch this game with me, ya’ know to support the women folk and such. Gloria’s heard me gush about Lawrie, so I think she just wanted to check this babe out for herself. Women are like that… Of course, by now we all know how it went down. I told the wife Gloria, I says, ‘Ya know Gloria, if these chicks didn’t have bad luck, why they’d have no luck at all. Now they gotta beat Arizona TWICE on Saturday just to stay alive!’ The wife had now lost interest and went back to her book. Women…. Saturday’s game begins with Arizona, it’s hot and the Dawgs have a 1-0 lead. But more bad luck, another call gone wrong, some stupid baseball and some sloppiness thrown in for good measure, and our girls were done. I was at work and saw the game in bits and pieces. I called the wife Gloria to let her know what had happened. She was readin’ her book… “Ya’ know Gloria, the way things are going, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised to see the Men’s Crew team choke tomorrow and give Cal the National Championship.” Some smart feller once wrote somethin’ ‘bout “self-fufillin’ prophesy.” Of course, this is after we wiffed on the two ‘prized’ football recruits. Sarks twitter went twitless. Twitless in Seattle we were… Ahh, the first week of June, summer’s in the air…. But wait folks, as for Groinman, it gets even better, and this is hard for me to write, to even put it down. In this day and age, most folks are happy that they still have a job, as it should be I suppose. Well it just so happens that there was another job available, not really a promotion, but a better gig at a different facility, less commute all that crap. I applied and tested for it, the physical, the written, the head examination, the whole nine yards. I passed, and was on my way, after all, it was a ‘been there and done that’ situation. Some years ago now, more than I’d like to admit. But that’s how she goes. Well I decided to help this younger guy along who wanted to get into this, what do you want to call it? This gig or profession, this lifestyle, this Hell on Earth deal. Okay, I’m exaggeratin’ a bit, but ya’ gotta be a bit nuts to work in corrections, there’s a weirdness to it. So I decided to help this younger guy along. We trained together, car pooled to various testing sites, tested together. I didn’t need the job. I had another with a different agency. I was just testing to help him out, and you never know, it’s good to have your name and be qualified with more than one agency, especially now. This younger guy asked me if it’d be alright to put my name down as a reference for this ‘new’ job that I had applied for… Ahh, the first week of June, summers in the air… THAT’S BULL SHORTS!! Do I even need to tell you what happened? They took the younger guy, my friend, and two others… The sick part. I’m damn depressed., it makes me want to go burn down a dog house, or blow up some dam. Depressed, that’s right. I feel like a guy who just walks around the house in his under pants… But that’s another story… The first week of June, before now, the first week of June always meant the anniversary of the “D-DAY” invasion in France, Normandy and the like, and it still will be all about the greatest sacrifice made in one day, but now I fear I’ll always remember the first week of June for more than just that. It was a ‘what could have been’ week for Husky sports, maybe a ‘coulda’ woulda’ shouda’ deal. You see, I gave up on moral victories some time ago, maybe even before Tyrone. Now it seems, with this job deal, another ‘coulda’ wouda’ shouda’ deal, well I’ve lost another friend. It was about a job. Guys are like that. Oh well, he was mostly a coug anyway… I deleted his name from my cell, Lee is like that… And I still got a season ticket to sell! It’s not like we’d have to be friends or nuthin’, wouldn’t have to tailgate, wouldn’t have to have barley pops, but it could happen… But wait, look! It’s the second week of June and we’re still ALIVE! Summer’s in the air…. And look at Husky FOOTBALL! Why we got Mike King a 6’3” 200 pound quarterback out of Aberdeen High School, that’s down in Aberdeen where they grow ‘em up tough, the kid runs a 4.65 forty on what he calls ‘long grass’. This kid is gonna walk-on! Why this is just what the Doctor ordered! This here folks is HUGE! HUGE I tell ya’! We now have four QB’s on the roster! Can’t do with only three… I called Gloria up on the phone to give her the news I says to Gloria: “Gloria this kid is like a gift from the Gods, he came out of nowhere, why he just maybe the next Taylor Bean!” Gloria went back to her book. Women are like that… But wait, there’s more! Looks like the Dawgs are in the driver’s seat for next year’s real deal, that’s right, the ‘Quarterback of the Future’ is here in our own back yard and waitin’ to be a Dawg. That’s right… Mercer Island’s Jeff Lindquist, a 6 foot three and a half 225 pound Norwegian who runs track. Good Dawg Almighty, hope this kid isn’t some kind of kid of mine, maybe just a relative… I'm thinking of gettin' a Lutefisk burger down in Ballard to prop me up. I’ll give Captain Sig Hansen of ‘Deadliest Catch’ fame a buzz. Ahh, Lutefisk burgers, cruisin’ the Sound with Sig Hansen and, maybe, Dick Baird ... if he'll go.   Wonder if Ivan Lewis is busy… Summer’s in the air… Norskies on da’ loose. Nobody should care, the ncaa is still screwin’ with usc… I see “Fargo” is on tonight… Ya’ sure, ya’ betcha’! GO DAWGS!! Groinmans tip of the week: Some of you think Lutefisk smells funny. Somethin’ else smells even funnier. Duck QB Masoli busted for the wacky stuff, pot. That’s a deal sealer folks! He was on probation. He is done. I knew the kid couldn’t keep it together and that the Eugene PD would get their man in the end. As Porky Pig would say, “That’s All Folks!!”
Lee Groinman can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com |
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This, folks, goes beyond any Summertime Blues, and
summer is still two weeks away, what next? I nearly need to take stress
vitamins just to start the coffee pot, that thing’s been flaky for years
now, could be the damned things possessed, but that’s another story. The
TV news is unbearable, what with the oil gusher in the Gulf, Day 40
something. Reminds me of the Iran Hostage deal back when ‘no end in
sight’ was often heard by the ‘Talkin’ Heads’ on the tube. Good Lord
Almighty, makes ya’ want to turn to sports just to lighten up a bit.