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Fit to be Ty-ed Willingham is our choice By Malamute, Updated 12 December 2004 Radio blaring irritatingly: Softy bloviating irritatingly: “Surely, within the next week or so, AD Todd Turner and President Mark Emmert, with a little help from their friends, will make their choice as to who the next head coach of the Washington Huskies will be.” A rotating collage follows: Gloomy Gil, Baggie, Whisky Jim, Pest, Reggie and Howie, the Cowboy, Torchy, Darrel, the Big Fella, the Dawgfather, Lambo, the Slickster, Babs, and Gilby. The collage spins faster as if it were a whirling dervish. Drum role, accompanied by pizzazz-less applause: Turner and Emmert in unison, “Er, hum, the two candidates are.” Cut Scene: Red Eagles, in three places at once, simultaneously circling Alumni and Husky Stadiums along with the Tarnished Dome, all of it in parallel universes, with accompanying photo of Albert, his hair standing on end, screaming “locality.” A mocking, smarty-pants physicist says with a lilt in his voice, “M-theory and the eleventh dimension, google that you churl.” Cry of the circling Eagles: “In this EMMER-al-T city, it is en-‘TICE-ing for us to think -- by JIMBO and great SCOTT -- and WILLING-ham to say, that you want a coach, MORA less, who won’t call you late for CHOW, which would make you a doubting TOM-as, as to the kindness of his heart, something of a NEU weasel he would be, for alas, MARK our words, we Eagles of non-locality say, ‘look no further than we Eagles or the Dome, as HUGHMILLEN-ating as that may be.’” Todd Turner opens an envelope, pulls out wrinkled parchment and reads, “The first finalist is Lionel Tyrone Willingham, 50, out of Notre Dame, 5-foot-9, 150 pounds.” A stoic, statuesque image of Willingham follows; he appears sullen and gray, his lips down-turned. His lips start to move but I hear nothing and read nothing from them. Mark Emmert opens a second envelope, pulls out a wrinkled parchment, a few dollars drifting to the floor, and reads, “The second candidate is Tom O’Brien, 56, out of Boston College.” An image of an aging O’Brien follows, as in Kubrick’s “2001.” He appears to be reading the terms of a 401K policy. The Slickster and Babs take the stage. Glancing quickly from side to side, Turner, with a guilty look on his face, picks up the money and hands it to the Slickster, who then takes Babs in his arms and whirls her around the stage, both of them howling in laughter. Todd and Mark do a soft shoe dance to the tune of "Sweet Georgia Brown," trying to upstage the whirling couple now riding a whirligig with arms outstretched, as if children gauging the velocity of the wind. In unison, “And the winner is…” Hardy Boy look-alikes, Ted Miller and Bob Condotta, run to the stage, “Stop the presses. O’Brien is out of the bloody picture.” Turner and Emmert look to the retracting ceiling, their arms raised skyward, their necks bent back, craning, looking, hoping...it begins to rain rain, it pours. I wake up in a sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs. My wife: “Mal, I told you to stop watching the Science Channel and to stop reading Dave’s and Ruth's message boards.” ---------- Basis for that nightmare, a REM sleep doozy You’re facing a lawsuit that may cost you $3.5 million (not including damages), you need to buy out a former coach to the tune of $735 thousand, and you, AD Todd Turner, and the school president, Mark Emmert, are making $632 thousand more in combined salaries than your predecessors received. You’re facing stadium renovation costs of $150 million, all of this in the light of last year’s athletic department shortfall of $2.5 million. The deficit will come out of the UW’s $13 million surplus. Furthermore, season ticket sales are 57,500, a slip from the 63,500 they were in 2000. You need to add to a surcharge that all season ticket holders pay for the Campaign for Student Athlete and the UW building fund, which includes Dempsey indoor and the renovated Hec Ed. The football offices and the weight room need renovating. Just recently, Tuner sent out letters to the 19,000 Tyee members, informing them that each ticket would cost $25 more next season. [Condotta, Miller, Bruscas]. To make the UW athletic program profitable, its flopping football team, the main source of revenues, must be righted after a ghastly, 1-10 season. The prevailing word was that the Huskies needed to hire a coach who would bring some “pizzazz” to the program, a statement that Turner may now regret. He wanted a coach who would light up the Husky skies with the energy of a gamma ray burst emanating from a hyper-nova; instead, to some fans, it looks lie he's holding a sparkler inside the star nursery. The high profile coaches have all vanished, a specious threesome at best, consisting of Jeff Tedford (Cal), Urban Meyer (Utah), and Dan Hawkins (Boise State). In the wings are Jim Mora, Jr. (Atlanta Falcons) and Mike Tice of the Minnesota Vikings who are as showy but iffy as any of the aforementioned. For example, why would Mora want to rebuild an almost defunct team to leave a program that is 9-3 on the season and headed for the playoffs? Mora is in the first year of a five-year, $7.5 million contract. That leaves Ty Willingham, who some say has lost interest in the UW job. Willingham has been criticized by fans for his bland game-day-face, his X’s and O’s and his assistant coaches. Today, the Seattle Times, is reporting, according to its source, that Willingham is ready to sign a deal with the Huskies next week. If that is true, this website will support Willingham 110%. Columnist Casey Anderson supports him, as do I. I am not sure about Mike Archbold or Groinman, both of whom haven't checked in yet. Really, Willingham was the most logical choice -- the UW's only realistic choice along with O'Brien -- considering the plight of the Husky nation. In fact, considering the state of the nation, Turner and Emmert can thank Notre Dame for their serendipity in finding Willingham available. I could call it dumb luck, but I won't. We believe Willingham deserves a five-year contract and a chance to make his version of the West Coast Offense work at the UW. For some fans, Willingham's name may not have the quixotic energy of a hyper-nova sitting inside a star nursery, but for us, it carries pizzazz. References: [Condotta, Miller, Bruscas]. Miller, Ted; Condotta, Bob; and Bruscas, Angelo. All of the financial data comes from their articles appearing in the Seattle Times and Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Any errors in posting the data are my own.
Richard Linde (a.k.a., Malamute) can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com |
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