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Articles
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Can old Bottle Body do it? (Some clichés) By: Malamute, 5 August 2003
I can’t wait for Picture Day, the practices in Olympia, the scrimmage at Oly, and Band Day at my alma mater. So, let's bring it on, with some worn out, trite clichés to honor the long wait. Let's shake, rattle and roll. Will this season be a banner one? Of course it will, but we just need a tailback to step up to the plate, a kid who can take it to the house, a kid who hates kissing his kid sister, a kid who practices the Heisman pose and means it, a kid who thinks winning is everything and that losing is for losers. I nominate Alexis, "the
Lexus," for that job. He'll run like a wayward SUV going bonkers. Don't be a
deer in his headlights, man. We need a coach who prepares to win—one destined to be in the Pantheon of Husky greats, one destined to be a legend unto himself. We need a Gatorade soaked legend from the past—a coach who chews on a towel and spits bullets, a coach who froths at the mouth at the site of a Zebra and breaks wind to the beat of the fight song and the shake of a pom-pom. We need a coach who is
tattooed with X’s and O’s, all lost in the hair on his chest, a coach who has
never heard of a Pfizer riser; a coach who will ignore the winning
coach’s handshake and, if need be, wipe the Gatorade off his face with a smack
in the puss. Can the Caldwell Cowboy
connect with ET and Reggie? The kid from Chicken Dinner is a winner. Bet your
life on it and you can take it to the bank. Can Reggie "The Truth" haul 'em in?
You bet your booty. Hell, I ain't tellin' you no lies. And a few corny headlines from around the Pac-10: -- Mackovic’s minions on Wildcat strike -- Bellotti Knighted dean of Pac-10 coaches, says Phil -- Pete’s pony will be Traverling off track -- Doba’s Cougs have Priceless Destiny -- Dorrell on racetrack at UCLA -- Hedges hires Husky coach -- Hedges hopes Husky hire won't RICKochet -- Tedord's troops won't Boller anyone over.
See ya’ in Olympia. Your pal, Mal.
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It’s
been dullsville around my house waitin’ for the start of the season. Tomorrow,
I’m headin’ out in my SUV (UDUB MAL on my plates; honk if ya' see 'em), headin’
for Seattle full of clichés, tired ones, but, oh, so true.