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Articles
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A Call to Arms
Well, in the words of Full Metal Jacket’s grizzly drill sergeant, I say THE DAWGS WILL PHYSICALLY KILL YOU! We must take the fight to the hated Ducks on land, sea, and air…but mostly air because their pass defense is even worse than ours is! The Autzen Stadium announcer will be forced to rain the sacred phrase, “Picket to Williams” ad nauseam upon the unholy football blasphemers of Oregon!
But wait, you say. How can the Pac-10’s 8th best pass defense and the 9th best running game expect to beat anyone? Oh ye of little faith! This game isn’t about statistics, comrades, it’s about good and evil, the Allies and the Axis, the Montagues and the Capulets, the Hatfields and the McCoys, white bread versus wheat bread, regular against unleaded! To the victor go the spoils…which unfortunately have absolutely nothing to do with the Rose Bowl, but we’ll take what we can get!
The Ducks have won 3 out of the last 4 games in the series. This is unacceptable. To this point, this has been a season of disappointment. Oh, how that could all change in the next two weeks! Now the battles for Northwest supremacy have arrived. 12,000 Beaver fans invaded Husky Stadium last week with the hope of “pushing the Huskies deeper into the mud”. They were sent home after receiving an introduction of their faces to our mud-free Field Turf. The tide of the battle has turned; the Purple and Gold must attack the southlands, take the battle to the enemy!
And after the War for the Northwest is won? A victory feast! The Beavs were but hors ‘d oeuvres, and the main course is Duck, bitter and salty, but with a sweet finish. Dessert comes next week in the form of good ol’ fashioned apple pie.
Beavers down, Ducks and Cougars to go…FIGHT, DAWGS, FIGHT!
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Friends, Alumni, Dawgfans, lend
me your ears! After a year of cowering in their tie-dyed, hemp-laden
Hobbit-holes, practicing yoga to the choking scent of too much nag champa,
the Oregon Ducks have finally issued another challenge to their hated
enemies, the defenders of righteous football and destroyers of O-Man
billboards everywhere, your Washington Huskies. Afraid to leave the
stinking, residue encrusted confines of the pit they call Autzen Stadium, the
heartless, green-clad evil-doers have once again insisted the fight take
place on their drunkenly-striped home turf.