My lyrics for the school song
Malamute, 12 May 2008

The following is my submission, my lyrics for the school song, which I have titled, "Bow down to opportunity." See the following link: School Anthem for more information about the song-writing contest.

Cliff notes: Before reading the two verses and chorus  below, some readers might not be aware of the current situation at the University of Washington with respect to its football program. Otherwise, skip directly to the lyrics.

Head football coach Tyrone Willingham is entering his fourth year of a five-year contract -- posting an 11-25 record his three previous years. After last year's 4-9 season, university president Mark Emmert reportedly asked athletics director Todd Turner to resign his job. Turner, one of the fathers of the NCAA Academics Progress Report (APR), resigned his post saying he didn't know he was expected to win. Turner, who hired Willingham, lent him his support amidst a caterwauling calling for both of their heads.  It is said that Turner took the bullet for the embattled coach and, now, consequently, Willingham is on a short, one-year leash and is expected to win at least half of his games in 2008 -- which would make his team bowl eligible.

Washington ranks third in the Pac-10 with its APR percentage, and coach Willingham has kept most of his student athletes off of the police blotter. He is president of the American Football Coaches Association and, this year, signed one of the best recruiting classes in Washington's history. In the two verses below, coach Willingham and Dr. Emmert trade soliloquies after a brief introduction: the first three quatrains.

"Opportunity" is coach speak for a tough situation, in this case a tough schedule in 2008. "Bow down" is a play in words on the school's fight song, "Bow down to Washington," and "Dardanelles," is part of its lyrics. Dr. Emmert grew up in Fife, Washington, which has become somewhat of a joke at the alumni events he attends. When he gets to practice enough, Willingham sports a six-handicap in golf.

Bow down to opportunity

Verse:

A tough schedule is an opportunity,
We urge you to join our crew;
Ty faces his foes with impunity,
With moral victories he shall accrue.

His APRs are up to snuff, while
The police blotter is squeaky clean;
Each loyal fan is as proud as punch,
Their coach they shan't demean.

Though Ty's foes are rough and tough,
His charges being plenty mean;
The Pres from Fife is ne'er a puff,
Mark Emmert is downright keen.

This year may be your last, he says
For six wins are a must;
This isn’t twenty-one, Tyrone,
Less than six and you go bust.

Now that Todd is not around,
Virtual victories do not register;
Instead, real wins must abound,
Every whiff you must so debenture.

Else turn in your bag and tees, Tyrone,
And join Todd and his seers;
Even though I am from Fife,
I cannot give you fife more years.

Chorus:

We never miss an opportunity,
We meet them with impunity;
From the angels to Seattle,
We never shrink from battle.

Though our fight song is about the strait,
The Dardanelles we've learned to hate;
Our loyal legions are on high,
For real victory is unto nigh.

From Rainier Vista to Denny Hall,
From Gothic buildings to the purple leaves of fall;
From the fighting boys beside the lake,
To the school we'll ne'er forsake.

Bow down to opportunity.

Verse:

Mark, Even though you are from Fife,
And your wife is such a dear;
You need to get a life,
My reputation is not to smear.

Though I've posted just eleven wins,
They wended well with Todd;
I am respected by all of my peers;
I am hardly just a clod.

Although a few games went astray,
You give me little credit;
Rethink the matter and let me stay,
My account shall not further debit.

Lest our coffers deplete, I fear...
You must bring six wins to the fore;
You must go to a bowl this year,
I have told you that before,

You set my bogie far too high,
It's like playing from the rough;
My golf ball cannot fly,
The terrain is just too tough.

Your schedule may be tough,
And your ball may be covered in grass;
For this you're being paid enough,
It's time to get off your duff.

Chorus:

We never miss an opportunity,
We meet them with impunity;
From the angels to Seattle,
We never shrink from battle.

Though our fight song is about the strait,
The Dardanelles we've learned to hate;
Our loyal legions are on high,
For real victory is unto nigh.

From Rainier Vista to Denny Hall,
From Gothic buildings to the purple leaves of fall;
From the fighting boys beside the lake,
To the school we'll ne'er forsake.

Bow down to opportunity.

-------

Although this is a spoof on writing lyrics, I wish to apologize to head football coach Tyrone Willingham, university president Mark Emmert, and former AD Todd Turner should I have roughed them up a bit. And...also to the town of Fife, Washington. Yeah, I know what "grass" rhymes with. ;-)