Runnin' with the Pac

Runnin’ with the Pac
Or how to comb your hair like Pat Riley
By: Lotti Bull, 29 March 2002

How to comb your hair like Pat Riley

Lotti Bull is back from a successful run at the Thespian Casino in Las Vegas, where she played the role of the third witch in Macbeth. You know, “Anon.” While hovering though the fog and filthy air, she’s was privy to some new courses being taught at Pac-10 schools and would like to share them with us.

Dear Mal,

From what I hear, the following instructors are teaching night courses at conference schools. The school, the course name and instructor are listed below. If your readers would like to enroll in one of the courses, Mal, have them send me an email; my address is: (BullLotti@fillnite.com).

New Night School Courses in the Pac-10 and Instructor:

UCLA: How to park an SUV in a handicapped parking space—DeShaun Foster and Cade McNown.

Washington: How to teach new dawgs old tricks—Bob Bender.

UCLA: How to investigate a football program only when you feel like it—Staff at the Los Angeles Times.

Oregon: How to recruit, using your stadium’s Jumbotron—Bill Moos.

USC: How to recruit running backs despite finishing last in rushing—Pete Carroll.

UCLA: How to comb your hair like Pat Riley—Steve Lavin.

ASU: How to comb your hair and not look like Pat Riley—Lute Olson.

UCLA: How to comb your hair—Pat Riley

Washington: How to look like John Elway: Isaiah Stanback

Washington: How to look like Air Jordan when your 5’-9”: Nate Robinson

Washington State: How to incur a delay of game penalty against a rival school before the game starts—Mike Price.

Oregon: How to re-cycle crowd noise during a football game—Barry Alvarez.

Washington: How to get re-cycled—Bob Bender and Jim Lambright

UCLA: How to get reprimanded by Tom Hansen—Bob Toledo.

Washington: How to incur the wrath of Tom Hansen—Rick Neuheisel.

Oregon: Who the hell is Tom Hansen—Mike Bellotti.

California: Reaping the rewards from a winning football program—Tom Holmoe.

OSU: Football is a gentleman’s game—Dennis Erickson.

Washington: How to give a coach a vote of confidence and then fire him—Barbara Hedges.

Oregon: How to design a football uniform—Phil Knight and Darth Vader.

Stanford: How to keep your head football coach happy—Tyrone Willingham.

Arizona: How to immortalize yourself through video replay—Ortiz “Summersault” Jenkins and Willie “The Burst” Hurst.

Washington: How to immortalize yourself-- period: Marques Tuiasosopo.

Washington: How to pronounce football names syllable by syllable: Tuiaualuma Nelson Alailefaleula.

Ciao, Lotti

Lotti Bull can be reached at :(BullLotti@fillnite.com)