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• Optimist: “The Huskies’ offense was responsible for 44 points against FSU.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, 28 of them went to the wrong team.”
  
  
• Optimist: “At least Kenny James, Joe Lobendahn, E. T. Frederick, Evan Benjamin, and Zach Tuiasosopo, along with a few others, played a great game.”
  
  Pessimist: “Scoreboard, baby. (FSU 35, UW 16).”
  
  
• Optimist: “Isaiah Stanback is a great mime, mimicking Michael Vick at times.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, his impression of J. K. Scott came at the wrong time.”
  
  
• Optimist: “Well, at least Gilbertson is a religious man, playing Isaiah.”
  
  Pessimist: “Gilbertson broke the first commandment of college football: ‘Thou shalt not let thy quarterback beat thyself.’ Also: ‘What Isaiah giveth, Isaiah taketh away.’ The bible-toting Gilby was well aware of that, took a gamble with Isaiah and lost. We need a coach who will play the percentages and adhere to that old-time religion.”
  
  
• Optimist: “What’s wrong with a gambling coach?”
  
  Pessimist: “Ask Rick Neuheisel.”
  
  
• Optimist: “Gilbertson should start winning once the last of Neuheisel’s recruits have departed.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, that won’t happen until 2008, the 2003 class being his last.”
  
  
• Optimist: “At least the defense played well.”
  
  Pessimist: “The UW supplied FSU with all the offense they needed.”
  
  
• Optimist: “The quarterback controversy, which has entertained us for months, has reached its zenith. What fun!”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, Gilby will be rotating all four quarterbacks against UCLA, in what could be the grandest experiment of all time, rivaling the Gedanken experiment involving Schrödinger’s cat, i.e., is the cat alive or is it dead?”
  
  
• Optimist: “At least, the UW removed the piping from its lavender jerseys.”  
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, that’s because the players wore off the piping last season by piping off at the coaches and among themselves.”
  
  
• Optimist: “After the disappointing loss, what more could happen? This is as bad as it gets.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, the NCAA is poised to hit the UW with its sanctions, most likely during the UW’s bye week, which could stand for bye-bye scholarships.”
  
  
• Optimist: “After the sanctions are announced, what more could happen? This is as bad as is gets.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, the NCAA will be investigating the Feelgood matter.”
  
  
• Optimist: “After the Feelgood matter is resolved, what more could happen? This will be as bad as it gets.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, the UW must buy its way out of Neuheisel’s lawsuit.”
  
  
• Optimist: “After Gilby is fired at the end of the year, the long, long nightmare will have ended.”
  
  Pessimist: “Unfortunately, after paying off its lawyers, as well as Neuheisel and Gilby, there won’t be enough money left in the pot to hire a credentialed coach.”
  
  
• Optimist: “How about hiring Mike Price, the Viagra and Pfizer riser of college coaches.”
  
  Pessimist: “Who will be recommending him, Destiny Stahl?”
  
  
• Optimist: “Now that the UW is no longer the epitome of big-time college football, the Seattle Times should get off its case.”
  
  Pessimist: “Tell that to Don James.”
  
  
• Optimist: “Well, at least the Times’ Blaine Newnham is never cutting.”
  
  Pessimist: “Neither is John Kerry’s stylist..”
  
  
• Optimist (now wavering): “Drinking after the Bulldogs/Huskies’ debacle has left me with a hangover.”
  
  Pessimist (sarcastically): “Take a hair of the Dawg that bit you.”
  
  

Richard Linde (a.k.a., Malamute) can be reached at malamute@4malamute.com